living in a world of tragedy

Add me on instagram and follow my life in pictures. Nightrod24

Anonymous asked: Well I know that first hand. I mean just look at you for example. You're just as guilty as everyone else.

No because im not fake. I don’t lie about shit. I’ve someone asks me something i will tell them straight. People can’t talk like they think they know me. Only a couple people actually do.

Anonymous asked: Then maybe you're surrounding yourself with the wrong people.

Someone you know is always talking shit its must life. Gotta get over the fact that not everyone is perfect and people aren’t nice.

Anonymous asked: It sucks when someones not around when you need them the most.

It sucks when I can’t have a decent conversation with anyone.

Have feeling again would make my life easier. I was just so hurt when i was crushed my her idk ;/

My first post of the  year and besides the normal being feeling lonely shit that goes on all the time because of the certain type of person i look for. Which in a summary is the person can use their personality to destroy themselves or make them a better person.  The past 3 girlfriends have failed to better themselves but, to destory everything that is good in their lives, except me of course. I can see it coming before it happens and then i just evacuate myself from their live. Sucks though watching someone who was a good person just throw it all away.. 

Now the switch is how everything happened all at once starting on the new year. My father who has been sitting in the sewers of the teenage workplace making garbage money just to put food on the table for all of us finally, is now in a higher place then when he was working at home depot he is not the store manager of a very high end cooking store. All like clockwork, i start for college in a couple days and i get a new laptop. It seems everything that was broken has now been fixed as good as new again. To be able to continue functioning, as if my anxiety has never happened or that my dad never lost his job. The light is back on, time to enjoy it while it lasts.

I love her, I love her not. I love her, i love her not. When you meet someone what is the first thing you do? I look into their eyes to see what kind of person i see. I can always tell a person by looking in their eyes. The voice that cries out to be saved. The girl that lost her parents when she was young. The women that cries every-night hoping her mom gets home safe. I see it all. When i look for love sometimes ill look for someone as broken as me. Maybe because i think that i don’t deserve anything more then that of what i have lived with all my life. I don’t know whether that is my broken past talking or what. Then some day’s ill wake up to texts from you. I smile of course because I know for a fact that you genuinely care about me. Though i am scared though that are paths might not always be on the same highway. We all have our destinations, our own lives to live. 

How do you know when after having a heart broken into so many pieces. That you truly can love again and i don’t mean like sometimes people try to do. To pretend they are in love for the sake of their poor desperate selves alone in this world. I may look like a asshole and make damn sure that i look like one too. Not to her though I see in her eyes it all. I have not always had giant wall up at all times. People may think that i could have never cared who are they though they have never seen me look at you.

Love, Lust, Love, Lust, Love. Know the difference I don’t want to have sex with her because i care about her. I may say that a lot but, sitting in the cold watching the waves of the ocean slowly turn and lean over and kiss her. It is indeed pure. Do i even really know if i love anyone. No i don’t because my feelings are the most complicated thing about me. It really is hard to explain. I’ll give it a go anyway.

My mind is constantly organizing everything i see into little folders that are put somewhere for me to find out later. I used to wake up and look out my window and some days my perspective would completely change. I could see both sides of life. The dull boring and the super radiant happy and excited get to get up go outside and adventure. One thing about me people don’t understand is that i am the most spontaneous person you will ever meet. The people around make up my mind for me. Like when i go out to eat i ask the waiter to just get me something that she would think I would like and make her go away. She is then faced with a choice to look at me and maybe get an idea of how much money i have what i look like i would be interested and what i may like. Because she doesn’t know what will happen if she disappoints. I on the other hand am a completely care-free person and will eat anything and am happy with whatever the choice she made. We all only live once we have to try new things and adventure outside of our comfort zone or we will never get to experience the true feeling of not knowing what is going to happen.

Dedicated to you,

  You know who you are.

It was because i didn’t know what to say.